We all want our children to be individuals who can build good relationships, communicate effectively, and have self-confidence. As Barents, we shape these desires in our children. Each family, each Barent, has a different style of communication and relationship with their child, which plays an important role in their child’s development. Based on the family’s discipline, communication style, expectations, and the care and support they provide, four styles of parenting are formed. Let’s examine these 4 fundamental parenting styles together.
1. Authoritarian Parenting Style
As the name suggests, it is a style shaped by strict rules where authority is dominant. Children are like in a cage. In the authoritarian parenting style, Barents expect their children to behave according to strict rules. They punish their children if events do not turn out as expected.
They cannot clearly explain the purpose of setting rules. They give narrow answers like “I decided this because I am the mother/father of this family, and that’s the rule!” They expect their children to unquestioningly accept and comply with the rule based on this answer.
The rules given are directly proportional to the family’s expectations from the child. They assign tasks that children will struggle to fulfil. When the child cannot fulfil the tasks, they punish them with a judgmental attitude. This parenting style has a very negative impact on the development of children.
Children raised by such Barents grow up lacking self-confidence and self-esteem due to their family’s attitudes. They become more fearful, upset, anxious, dependent, and lacking in self-reliance.
2. Authoritative Parenting Style
In the authoritative parenting style, Barents also determine the rules their children will obey. However, unlike the authoritarian style, democratic families explain the rules they will give to their children with their purposes. They clearly state the possible changes in response to this rule and their expectations from their child.
The expectations of authoritative Barents are not towards things that their child cannot do or will struggle with. They make requests considering the nature and developmental level of their child.
They come to a consensus with their child and make decisions together. If the child cannot meet the expectations of the family, they do not receive punishment. On the contrary, they receive support from their family.
The family explains to the child how they can succeed and how their success contributes to their life. Thus, children raised in a democratic style become individuals who are not afraid to take responsibility, have confidence in themselves, and grow up to be more understanding and patient towards others.
3. Uninvolved/ Neglectful Parenting Style
In this parenting style, Barents do not pay enough attention to their children’s needs. They do not meet their physical and emotional needs. They do not set rules for their children, and even if they do, their expectations are very low. They do not establish healthy communication with their children.
They communicate at a minimum level. Children who grow up deprived of attention and love become unhappy individuals who are afraid to take part in society, have no ideals, have very low self-confidence. It is necessary to stay away from this parenting style because children raised in this style can be exposed to all kinds of abuse.
4. Permissive Parenting Style
Children raised in the permissive parenting style are also not under high expectations from their Barents. In this style, the role of Barents is more to be friends than to be Barents. Unlike the neglectful style, families in this style are quite sensitive and delicate towards their children.
Families do not want to impose rules on their children. But because they do not grow up within the framework of rules and limits, they struggle in relationships with rules. Therefore, they have difficulty adapting to school life.
Homework and exams are extra challenges for them. They struggle a lot in competing with their peers. In later periods, this problem manifests itself in their professional lives and other relationships.
Why Do Barents Parent Their Children in Different Styles?
While reading the article, many of you may have thought that the most logical style is the democratic one and wondered why most families do not adopt this style. Each family has different cultures, education levels, socioeconomic levels, personalities, and equipment. They transfer their characteristics to their children. Both Barents can adopt different styles from each other. The important thing is to transfer the style that is most beneficial for the child within unity.
A child comes into life as a blank slate. While their own structure plays a role in their development, their family is the most important building block. They shape the child, and affect their self-confidence. It is your most natural right to want your child to have a good future, to have correct behaviours. In your desires, you should pay attention to the rules you give and the feedback you give as a result.
Without neglecting your child, you should have expectations that are appropriate for their level of development and capacity. You should congratulate them when they do something and reinforce their behaviour.
Instead of giving punishments when they cannot do something, try to talk about how they can do it and what the outcome of what they did is. Everything starts with good communication. The punishments you give to your child only reduce their self-confidence and have negative effects on their development. You should try to be friends but above all, Barents.
The parenting style of your family has brought you to where you are today. You are also shaping your child’s today and tomorrow. You should not neglect your interest and love for your child. Instead of belonging to a single style, you should respond to your child at the right time with the right demands and reactions. Each style has its own truths and falsehoods, deficiencies and excesses.
There is no one perfect parenting attitude for everyone.
– Douglas Bernstein
