The divorce process is one of the most challenging periods for children. This is because it takes time for the child to adjust to the new situation resulting from the divorce. During this process, parents need to help their children adapt to this new situation with appropriate interventions. Otherwise, the child’s mental health may be at risk.
What Are the Effects of Divorce on Child Psychology?
Divorce is a challenging process for most families. Especially, the uncertainty and the atmosphere of insecurity arising from this uncertainty affect the child in many ways. The tension between parents makes the uncertain situation the child is in even more stressful. For many children, divorce can be perceived as never seeing one of their parents again. When all of these factors come together, it leads to an increase in the child’s anxiety and stress levels.
In children who have not received adequate support and explanation from their parents, the level of anxiety can escalate to very serious levels. Parents are the most trusted support for children. Therefore, children in divorced families may feel more insecure about life. Due to this insecurity, withdrawal is very common among children in divorced families. They may feel intensely abandoned by one of their parents. Some children may express the feeling of abandonment as excessive aggression.
Depression is one of the most common disorders observed in children of divorced families. Due to depression, children may feel restless. This restlessness may cause them to show excessive emotional reactions to their surroundings.
What Are the Behavioural Responses of Children in Divorced Families?
Each child is unique, so behavioural responses may not manifest equally in every child. Moreover, when examining children’s behaviour, basic factors such as age and gender should be taken into account.
- One of the most common behavioural responses in children is the inability to control anger. They may exhibit sudden outbursts towards their parents due to their inability to control their anger. They may also subject their classmates at school to peer bullying. If they have younger siblings, they may also reflect this anger towards them through their behaviour.
- School performance may decline. This is because their study habits may be disrupted during the adaptation process to new conditions after the divorce. Another reason is that their high levels of anxiety and unhappiness may distract them. It can be expected that they will struggle to maintain their daily routines while coping with negative emotions.
- During and after the divorce process, neglected children by their parents may form friendships with the wrong people. They may engage in faulty relationships to fill the emotional void they experience after the divorce. If precautions are not taken for later ages, they may develop various addictions such as substance and alcohol use.
- The stress experienced by children can lead to eating disorders. Some children may show a tendency to overeat to fill the emotional void they experience after the divorce. In some children, loss of appetite may be observed.
- Depression is a common condition in children after divorce. Due to depression, children may feel bad about themselves. The desire for withdrawal and loneliness may be reactions due to depression. Those who start a new school may have difficulty adjusting to school. Especially, they may not want to leave the parent they live with out of fear of losing them.
Common Mistakes Made by Parents During the Divorce Process
One of the most common mistakes observed in parents is the effort to maintain a failing marriage. If despite all efforts, communication breakdown, arguments, and disagreements continue, parents should not insist on continuing this marriage. Many studies have shown that a chronic violent environment is more harmful to children’s mental health than divorce.
Divorce is an event that only occurs between spouses. Therefore, children should not be neglected due to the anger felt towards the divorced spouse. Because even if the spouses separate, they should not forget that they are still parents. Most parents do not pay attention to this issue. Another mistake that parents frequently make is using their children as intermediaries when communicating with their ex-spouse after divorce. They should not convey messages to each other through their children, such as “Tell your mother…” or “Tell your father to do this…”
Parents should continue to stay in communication with their children. Additionally, parents should refrain from speaking negatively about each other in front of their children. This can cause the child to take sides and distance themselves. Therefore, parents should avoid making negative comments about each other in front of their children.
What Should Be Done to Protect the Child’s Mental Health During and After the Divorce Process?
- Dealing with uncertainty is much more difficult for children than for adults. Therefore, parents should explain the divorce decision together. Everything should be clearly stated in this explanation. The child should be informed about how their life will be from now on, where and with which parent they will live, and all possible changes in their life should be explained to the child at the very beginning.
- It should be emphasised that the reason for the separation is not related to the child. Because children may think that the reason for their parents’ divorce is because of their own behaviour.
- The child should be assured that they can always reach the parent they are separated from. They need to know that they can always call them or see them whenever they want.
- The child should also continue to meet regularly with the parent they are separated from. Spending one-on-one time during visitation is important for maintaining healthy communication between them.
- If necessary, the divorced parent should seek help from a professional during this process. They can seek support not only for their children but also for themselves to adapt to this process if needed.
- Parents should control their emotions in front of their children during this process. They should prevent sudden anger outbursts, resentment, or crying fits due to divorce from occurring in front of their children.
